Episode 89: Fred Claus

It’s finally here! We conclude Vaughn-a-thon this week with Vince Vaughn’s other holiday offering: The $100 million comedy spectacle Fred Claus! What happens when St. Nick’s deadbeat brother Fred gets arrested for grifting donations away from Salvation Army Santas? Nick bails him out on the condition that he come work for him at the North Pole. And then there are some shenanigans involving Kevin Spacey. Yes, it’s all very unpleasant.

Anywho, also in this week’s episode, Joe breaks out some Fred Claus marketing materials, Brad gives the Santa Talk to his dog Charles, and we ponder the difference between the Claus family and your average pack of vampires.

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Questions? Complaints? Requests? Hit us up at XmasCreeps@gmail.com!

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The Fred Claus Activity Book of Fun!

As we discuss in our most recent episode, one of the promotional materials released for Fred Claus was an activity book, appropriately titled “Fred’s Activity Book of Fun”. I picked up a copy of this book off of my movie theater’s merch table way back in 2007, mostly because I would gladly take any free junk they threw at us. Until today, it sat in a variety of drawers or storage tubs waiting for it’s moment to shine.

Reminder: Fred Claus is a Christmas film starring Vince Vaughn, so one would be forgiven for assuming this was a raunchy R-rated fartfest. But this book is basically an activity booklet for kids, which makes us think this was intended for family audiences? At any rate, Fred Claus never quite made back its $100 million budget, so their attempt at making this a four-quadrant hit was all for naught.

Anywho, here is the full contents of “Fred’s Activity Book of Fun”!

Please note that the “special Fred Claus paper” mentioned on page 9 no longer appears to exist. FredClaus.net now simply redirects to a Warner Bros page about the movie. Perhaps a reader who is better at Archive.org than me can track it down?

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Episode 88: Four Christmases

Welcome to Vaughn-a-thon! This month we’re highlighting the two holiday features produced by and starring Vince Vaughn. We kick things off with Four Christmases, which we assumed would be the lesser of two evils. We assumed wrong. From the sheer volume of A-list stars with nothing to do, to the film’s weirdly antagonistic tone, to the way it forces regressive notions about family upon a couple with more modern sensibilities, Four Christmases is a dire experience all the way around!

Also in this episode we discuss Freeform’s Halloween TV schedule, ponder how seasonal creep operates in the Southern hemisphere, and Joe and Bradford gets a chance to gush about one of their favorite films! Check it out!

(NB: Movie chat begins at 23:50)

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Questions? Complaints? Requests? Hit us up at XmasCreeps@gmail.com!

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Episode 87: Shazam!

Summer is winding down, and since we’ve been in the superhero mood lately, we thought it would be fun to take a look at a film that came out earlier this summer. Shazam! not only takes place around the holidays, but makes particularly good use of it in service of its themes of family and togetherness. It’s also a pretty damn fun movie to boot, with a positive streak a mile wide.

Why would a studio produce a movie set at Christmas, only to turn around and release it in April? Why would a wizard tell anyone they weren’t worthy of magic directly to their face? Why does one of the monsters in this movie strongly resemble Venom? We get into all of that and more!

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Questions? Complaints? Requests? Hit us up at XmasCreeps@gmail.com!

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Stocking Stuffer #19: Batman, “Christmas With The Joker”

Happy August, everybody! Have you spotted any signs of Christmas Creep out and about? It’ll be here before you know it! Anywho, on this week’s show, Joe & Johnny-5 take a look at “Christmas with the Joker”, the first of two holiday episodes produced for Batman: The Animated Series! Batman and Robin’s quiet Christmas Eve is interrupted by The Joker, who’s kidnapped Commissioner Gordon and set up all sorts of holiday havoc.

Where did “Jingle Bells, Batman Smells” come from? What did Batman think of It’s A Wonderful Life? What is it about Batman that always seems to work so well with Christmas? Just a few of the questions raised in this episode. Come join us!

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What TV episodes would you like us to cover? Hit us up at XmasCreeps@gmail.com!

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Episode 86: Santa With Muscles

Every once in a while you hit a brick wall, and your only options are to give up or to power straight through it. That’s the situation we found ourselves in this week, as we finally subjected ourselves to the astoundingly brain-dead children’s comedy SANTA WITH MUSCLES. Hulk Hogan basically plays himself as a do-gooder fitness guru who gets conked on the head just hard enough to believe he’s Santa Claus while defending a beleaguered orphanage from a wacky mad scientist played by Ed Begley, Jr. That is the saddest sentence I have ever written.

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SHOW NOTES FOR THIS EPISODE:

  • This film is available on YouTube if you know where to look.
  • For more jokes about JO Crystals, check out these episodes here.
  • Hey kids! The real dispair chat starts around the 45 minute mark!
  • KRANKOMETER: (2, -5)

Questions? Complaints? Requests? Hit us up at XmasCreeps@gmail.com!

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Episode 85: Jaws The Revenge

It’s six months til Christmas, the 4th of July is right around the corner, so what better time to discuss a Jaws movie?! Jaws: The Revenge, to be specific, the movie that IMDb’s users have declared the 27th worst movie ever made. It’s also the one Jaws movie that actually takes place around the holidays, so like it or not, here we come!

Also in this episode, the guys take a stab at writing their own Jaws sequel, Joe and Bradford actually learn something about foreign culture from this movie, and a Winnie The Pooh meme short circuits J-5’s brain…

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Questions? Complaints? Requests? Hit us up at XmasCreeps@gmail.com!

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