Arnold’s after that toy again! We’re halfway to Christmas, folks, and this week we’re pulling out one of the big guns. It’s Jingle All The Way! Arnold Schwarzenegger races Sinbad around Minneapolis for the last Turbo Man toy in the city. Meanwhile, the gang reminisce about some of the hottest must-have toys of yesteryear, how grimy cities look after a month of holiday celebration, and how this movie is ground zero for our modern consumerist hellscape.
Believe it or not, we have a perfectly valid reason for discussing Jurassic World this week, and it’s not just to piggyback on the arrival of the sequel! Anywho, on this episode the whole gang gets in on the action, picking apart the many questions this film raises and never bothers answering. For example: Why breed thousands of pterodactyls? Why genetically engineer a dinosaur with tree frog DNA if you aren’t going to have it shoot giant poison darts? And finally, why rebuild Jurassic Park in the first place?
Also in this week’s episode, Joe ponders the fate of one Mr. James Buffett, Johnny-5 subjects himself to the pop rocks and coke challenge, and Karyn and Bradford try their hardest to keep it together.
Remember how we said all Stocking Stuffers from now on would be Somewhat Safe For Work? Weellllllll, about that…
Look, we recorded this episode two days before LAST Christmas and none of us were in our right minds. That’s why we started talking about “The Santa Experience”, from the second season of Rugrats, and wound up talking entirely too much about Disney’s revival of Doug and whether or not it featured an episode about Sex Ed. That was just where we were at as people last Christmas.
You lovely listeners voted to make us watch some obscure garbage this week, so we do exactly that with the 1972 bargain basement kiddie flick Santa & The Ice Cream Bunny! Will Santa escape the blistering Florida sun? What exactly is the point of Jack & The Beanstalk? As Joe describes it, if The Ring were a Christmas film, this is what you’d find on the cursed videotape.
(Also, minor spoiler alert for Westworld, I guess?)
This week, the gang picks apart Christmas Inheritance, a Netflix original film trying to horn in on Hallmark’s holiday action. Along the way, we also land on the fallacy of the Manic Pixie Dream Town, and figure out how to turn Westworld into a romantic comedy. Anything to keep from having to discuss this movie, really. And yes, they got Andie MacDowell in the mix for this one. Hey, people gotta eat.
Submitted for your approval the following Stocking Stuffer: This week, Joe & Bradford discuss “Night of the Meek”, the Christmas episode from season two of The Twilight Zone! When a drunk department store Santa finds St. Nick’s bag of goodies on Christmas Eve, he makes it his mission to spread holiday cheer to the less fortunate. But Christmas cheer comes at a price…
Also in this episode, we declare that from here on, all Stocking Stuffer episodes will be somewhat safe for work. SSFW!
Bradford called in sick this week, and we have a sneaking suspicion it’s because he got an early look at the movie we were about to watch. On this episode, Joe & Johnny-5 tackle The Year Without A Santa Claus, a live-action, made-for-TV remake of the Rankin/Bass animated special, which has absolutely no reason to exist other than to fill a timeslot and to give our boys hell. It’s got John Goodman as Santa, Michael McKean and Harvey Fierstein as the Miser Brothers… And… And… Listen, guys, this one is truly painful. Please, join us in our misery!