Christmas Creeps

Episode 13: Home Alone 5

Posted on July 27, 2015 by Joseph

This week we’re embarking on a ridiculous mission to watch the entire Home Alone series backwards, starting with 2013’s made-for-TV Home Alone 5: The Holiday Heist. A kid who’s not Kevin McCallister defends a home that’s not in Chicago, IL from burglars (and Malcolm McDowell) who aren’t trying to steal everything in the house. It goes about as well as you’d expect.

Naughty, naughty, naughty! You filthy old soomka!

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SHOW NOTES FOR THIS EPISODE:

This movie can be rented through Amazon and iTunes (if you must).
Joe pitches his idea for Macaulay Culkin’s return to the series in Home Alone 6.
Fun Fact: This episode was recorded before the WWE fired Hulk Hogan.
Fan theory #1: The McCallisters are intimately familiar with the Griswalds.
Fan theory #2: Home Alone is a part of the Winslowverse.

Let us know how we’re doing! Email us at XmasCreeps@gmail.com!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged 2013, heist, Home Alone, podcast, television | Leave a comment

Hands on Fire

Posted on July 22, 2015 by Joseph

So the other night, the crew was watching a non-holiday movie for a change, when a startling parallel jumped out at us. Pictured on the left is Steven Spielberg’s Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981). On the right, Chris Columbus’ Home Alone (1990). Take a look:

Am I crazy, or does this seem intentional? It can’t possibly have been an accident. Chris Columbus was Spielberg’s one-time protege — even writing the screenplay for Gremlins, which Spielberg produced — so Columbus paying homage to his mentor isn’t so strange. But still, this is an odd reference to make in a children’s movie. A children’s movie about Christmas. Then again, Kevin McCallister is kind of a sick weirdo, so maybe it’s appropriate.

What do you think?

Posted in blog | Tagged 1981, 1990, Chris Columbus, Home Alone, Steven Spielberg | Leave a comment

Episode 12: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Posted on July 14, 2015 by Joseph

On this week’s episode, the Creeps take a rocketship to the dopiest sci-fi Christmas movie ever made: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. Not gonna lie, this episode kinda runs out of steam once we realize there really isn’t a whole lot worth discussing about this movie. It’s that transparent and terrible. But the conversation careens into some weird topics, so gird your loins and stick it out! No, not like that, you weirdos!

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SHOW NOTES FOR THIS EPISODE:

Stream this movie on Netflix!
Or watch it on YouTube!
Dropo and The Great Gazoo: Brothers from another mother.
Old Candyland vs. New Candyland.
The detailed history of Mrs. Claus.
We have one hell of a time nailing down What Christmas Means To Us.

Let us know how we’re doing! Email us at XmasCreeps@gmail.com!

Posted in podcast | Tagged 1964, comedy, MST3K, Santa, sci fi | Leave a comment

Episode 11: Ernest Saves Christmas

Posted on July 1, 2015 by Joseph

This week, the Creeps discuss the Christmas movie that set the template for all other movies in which a complete idiot rescues a holiday from the clutches of despair. That’s right, Ernest saved Christmas before it was cool. Deal with it.

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SHOW NOTES FOR THIS EPISODE:

Let us know how we’re doing! Email us at XmasCreeps@gmail.com!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged 1988, christmas, Disney, Ernest, Jim Varney, Uwe Boll | Leave a comment

Episode 10: Die Hard

Posted on June 8, 2015 by Joseph

It’s Birthday Boy’s Choice this week as we celebrate Johnny-5’s birthday by watching and discussing the granddaddy of all holiday heist movies starring Bruce Willis. That’s right, we watched Hudson Hawk, but for some reason the conversation immediately reverted back to Die Hard. Go figure.

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SHOW NOTES FOR THIS EPISODE:

The history of Die Hard‘s screenplay is seriously bizarre.
The ubiquity of the Die Hard elevator pitch.
Live Free or Die Hard was based on this (pre 9/11) Wired article.
You can find this movie streaming right here.
Outro: “Die Hard” by Guyz Nite

Let us know how we’re doing! Email us at XmasCreeps@gmail.com!

Posted in podcast | Tagged 1988, Alan Rickman, Bruce Willis, heist, Run DMC | 1 Comment

Episode 9: A Merry Friggin’ Christmas

Posted on May 24, 2015 by Joseph

This week’s episode just happens to coincide with Memorial Day, so instead of doing the appropriate thing and not being terrible people, we decided to honor the late Robin Williams by watching and discussing one of his final feature films: 2014’s A Merry Friggin’ Christmas. Also, we welcome an old friend back into the fold. It’s a Memorial Day miracle!

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SHOW NOTES FOR THIS EPISODE:

Joe recently appeared on an episode of Secret of the Sailor Madness. Check it out!
The trailer for the upcoming Absolutely Anything.
Turns out you can pay your traffic tickets online in the state of Wisconsin!
You can find this movie streaming right here.
Dog Fart Count: Zero.

(In all seriousness, we have nothing but pride and respect for those that gave their lives so that we might enjoy the freedom to create and share this dumb podcast with you all. To those who made the ultimate sacrifice, we thank you. To everyone else, Happy Memorial Day.)

Posted in podcast | Tagged 2014, Clark Duke, comedy, Joel McHale, Lauren Graham, Robin Williams, Santa | Leave a comment

Episode 8: The Star Wars Holiday Special

Posted on May 12, 2015 by Joseph

It had to happen sooner or later. This week, the Creeps tangle with the most notoriously horrible Christmas special ever made: The Star Wars Holiday Special. I don’t really have much to add here. Either you’ve seen it and know the anguish this thing has caused, or you’re blissfully ignorant and have no desire to ever see it. One way or the other, though, we’ll make it through this Life Day together…

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Also discussed in this episode:

SHOUTOUT: Blue milk recipe provided by our friends at Alcohollywood.
If you reaaaally want to watch this horrible thing, you can watch it here.
And no Life Day is complete without the accompanying commercials.
Here’s that Dark Crystal workprint Joe was talking about.
Finally, a word that’s closely related to “Jazz”.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged 1978, bea arthur, boba fett, CBS, holiday special, star wars | Leave a comment

Episode 7: Bone Alone

Posted on April 27, 2015 by Joseph

This week, the Creeps dive head-first into The Asylum, with a remake of Home Alone starring a talking dog and Kevin Sorbo, fittingly titled Bone Alone. Great. Cool. We love it. Merry Christmas ya filthy animals. What to see what all the fuss is about? Guess what, you can watch the whole stupid thing on Hulu.

Click here to download! Click below to listen now!

Also discussed in this episode:

The Asylum’s long history of shady knockoffs
DOG FART TIMER: The dog farts at 00:22:57
Joe’s brief stint as a student filmmaker
More examples of Christmas movies referencing Die Hard for no reason

NEW KRANKOMETER UNDER CONSTRUCTION! CHECK BACK SOON!

Posted in podcast | Tagged 2013, Asylum, christmas, Die Hard, heist, Home Alone, Kevin Sorbo, podcast | Leave a comment

Episode 6: Batman Returns

Posted on April 8, 2015 by Joseph

This week, the gang takes the polar plunge into the icy waters beneath Gotham City. That’s right, we’re talking about Tim Burton’s 1992 holiday classic summer blockbuster Batman Returns. Appropriate for Christmas viewing? Appropriate for children? Appropriate in any context? Probably not, but we had fun with it anyway.

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Also discussed in this episode:

Splitting the calendar year into Candy Season and Barbeque Season
The missed opportunities of Billy Dee Williams
Super NES games based on popular movies (and also Home Improvement)
The definition of the phrase “corndoggin’ it”

WHERE DOES BATMAN RETURNS FALL ON THE KRANKOMETER?

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Posted in podcast | Tagged 1992, Batman, cat, heist, penguin, Tim Burton | 1 Comment

Episode 5: Millions

Posted on March 23, 2015 by Joseph

To take the edge off the cloying feel-badness of Christmas Shoes, this week we’re talking about Danny Boyle’s Millions, a film that also features a precocious kid, dead parents, God, Jesus and Christmas, but is at least halfway bearable and doesn’t make us want to claw our own eyes out.

Also discussed in this episode:

The fact that Karyn has seen neither Alien nor Dredd nor Robocop
A guide to recognizing your saints
The legality of destroying currency while tampering with railways (psst, it isn’t)

Click here to download! Click below to listen now!